I thought that anger was a bad thing and that I was letting myself down if I felt angry and a terrible person if I showed it. No matter how hard I tried to avoid feeling angry it kept coming up and it made me despair. I read every book on anger and emotion to find ways to control it. I tried meditation practices but that didn't help either. Psychotherapy with Dr. Raymond helped me to realize that my anger was legitimate. That freed me like nothing else ever did. Miraculously since having my anger justified I haven't felt as angry. That pain in my chest has gone, and I feel so much more in control than before. Now my anger ebbs and flows without making me panic to kill it. It no longer disrupts my life. As soon as I allow it to exist it looses power. My life has truly never felt so liberating. Thirty-nine year owner-manager in retail business.
Do you get mad when people don't do things they way they are supposed to?
Are you angry that you take enormous trouble to do the right thing the right way at the right time, but friends, family and colleagues just aren't bothered?
Do you get angry that not only do people in your life not seem to want to do right by you, but they don't appreciate your efforts to do right by them?Do you feel angry that your sense of responsibility in relationships doesn't pay off?
Are you seething with anger and the need to blame when you are let down?
Are you bursting with outrage at the unfairness of doing most of the work in your relationships?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, you may be sabotaging your chances of having satisfying relationships – both personally and professionally. Take the anger quiz
Intense, uncontrolled emotions muddy your communication skills, drowning out your message, and making those around you tune out. Whether you give someone the cold shoulder, or are provoked into an outburst, you create tension and distance in your relationship. The very opposite of what you want and need.
I will help you
1. Channel your anger in appropriate directions so that your engery is used productively rather than taking it out on yourself, others or work situations that may be harmful in the long run.
2. Craft your messages so that your feelings are expressed in a way that can be heard and responded to.
3. Teach you how to listen for the intent of others so that you don't flare up due to a misunderstanding that touches a sore spot.
4. Teach you how to share your reactions in healthy ways when you feel let down, ignored, thwarted or unfairly treated.
5. Manage your disappointments so that you don’t anesthetize difficult feelings with pills, food, alcohol or drugs.
6. Steer your energy towards being assertive without being aggressive so that you feel confident without needing to be vindictive, take revenge or punish with silence.
7. Learn how to interpret the actions of others in ways so that you don't feel under threat and use anger as a way of defending yourself unsuccessfully. Take the conflict quiz
8.Learn how to ask for what you want from others up front so you aren't going around in a circle of hope and disappointment which triggers anger.
9. Make more room for loving, sensitive and respectful connections when anger isn't your default position for showing your unhappiness and distress.
10. Figure out the triggers of your anger so that you can understand the reasons for your hot buttons and treat yourself with compassion.
Frustrated
that nothing has
worked?
You probably wonder if it is worth your while to keep trying.
After all, you usually end up doing most of the giving and get little in return.
You’ve read the books and articles, followed the lessons on the CD’s, and attended relationship workshops. You've done the positive affirmations and the meditations.
You are
frustrated and despairing
that despite all the time, money
and energy you have spent nothing
has
helped you find and keep the relationship you long for.
These
short term
measures
don’t last. You feel defeated. The vicious cycle of anger and disappointment
controls your life.
Maybe
you use
alcohol, pills, drugs or sex to get rid of those
awful feelings that won't go away.
No matter how disappointed and bitter you are, there is an ache that just won’t go away.
You are dying to be wanted, respected, valued and important to a partner.
Learning how to do relationships right is most effective when you practice and get feedback from a trained and skilled professional who will be honest, help you see your blind spots, show you what you may be thinking and doing that gets in your way, and help you understand the costs and consequences of how you create and behave in relationships.
Self-employed
business
woman's
successful experience with Dr. Raymond
"My
emotions
used to feel like a tangled ball of yarn.
Working with Dr.
Raymond has helped me unravel them and see why I got so hurt and angry
with family members. Now I have time to think about how to react. I
feel less manipulated and I am less angry as a result.I enjoy my
relationships so much more than I ever thought possible."
Thirty-five
year old Rory
hated the idea
of
therapy. He wanted to take care of things himself. He was
frustrated and skeptical about working with me. Here is his experience "Before
working with Dr. Raymond I used to be a monster lashing out with a bull
whip. I have learned about my emotions - what I’m feeling and why I
feel it. There is less chaos in my head. I don’t feel like a stranger
in my own skin any more. When I get angry and resentful I don’t hold it
in, charge it up and discharge my rage with my bull whip. The bull whip
is now a dish towel." "Life is so much better because I get a better response
from people." Forty
year old Jenny was constantly angry that her marriage wasn’t working
the way she wanted. She had trouble
sleeping and was exhausted
trying
to figure out what her husband wanted. Here is her experience
after
working with me on anger management. "
I used to put up a brick wall so that other people couldn't get near
me. I didn't want to show my anger, hurt or sadness. After working with
Dr. Raymond I found the wall turned into a transparent gel. It still
protected me but I could see what was outside and decide whether it was
okay to let in in or out. I have discovered that without really trying
I am letting people in and it feels okay. They are actually
nicer
than I thought. I realize I was keeping a lot of good stuff out just to
make sure nothing scary got in." Why
waste your angry energy? Use
it as a motivating carrot, propelling you to use the
energy to make more satisfying relationships.
audio tips on relationship stress
Use Your Anger Productively
